Tulane VISTA Blog

Fighting Poverty with Passion

Trusting Instinct

I have been stuck on the same first three sentences for about 30 minutes, which is hilarious in context as I am writing about being indecisive.

See, my mind is absurdly restless. I can think and think and think and never come up with a conclusion. It’s a fairly frustrating trait for my friends and family, particularly when it comes to ordering in a restaurant. And shopping. And picking out a movie. Basically everything.

It came to a point where I could no longer depend on my mind to make a decision. So instead, for the past 10 years, most if not all of the life-changing choices I have made have been based on instinct.

You might be shocked but yes, applying for AmeriCorps was one of these decisions.

I was planning to go to grad school this fall. I had accepted my offer, sent a deposit, and was ready to go. And then in July, a month before I had planned to move to California, I deferred for a year.

I did this for numerous reasons, but the driving force of it was my gut. Even without a Plan B, I knew that at this moment of time, graduate school was not for me.  

And then came AmeriCorps.

Just kidding, the process is so much longer than that one sentence.

I actually ended up applying for a lot of things within a similar sector, but without any plan in mind. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to be. All I knew is that when I found something, it would feel right. My stomach would have no pits. My heart would beat around 60 to 100 bpm. My knees would be steady unlike mom’s spaghetti.

Which is exactly how I felt when I was offered a position here, with Tulane CPS.

Now, I’m not trying to say that people need to go out there and base all their life choices on how they feel. But I do think there is value in taking chances, even if they don’t make sense at the time. Choosing AmeriCorps when I was set for my master’s did not make sense. Moving to a different state in the middle of a pandemic did not make sense. Giving myself bangs at 2 am absolutely did not make sense. And while bangs may not be the best look, trusting instinct rather than logic has given me invaluable life experiences that have helped me grow as a human.

Do I still take forever ordering take out and overthink every little detail in my work? Of course. I can’t change how my mind thinks. But what I can do is trust my instinct and take a chance when it matters, because sometimes putting feelings above logic leads to wonderful happenings that wouldn’t have appeared without that leap of faith.

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This entry was posted on October 21, 2020 by in VISTA Field Reports.

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